I’ve always said I could write a book about God’s faithfulness but maybe I’ll just start with this blog. Worrying has been a battle for me, especially since I’m a planner and a realist. Therefore, I need to look at all the possible outcomes but often get stuck on the negative ones. Hence the worrying.
I’ve spent many years worrying about having enough money for bills, food, rent… I look back now and wonder why I wasted so much time doing this. We were never homeless, never went hungry and while we might have struggled to pay the bills, we just kept at it until they were paid. One year we were given a small car. Exciting to me, having driven several nine-passenger station wagons. It had a good motor but the body was totaled. Miraculously we found the exact car in great shape. The people gave it to us because the motor was toast. We were thrilled to haul this car home. Jer knew a mechanic, who we thought had agreed to trade labor for moving the motor into the nicer model. When we received his bill in the mail our hearts sunk. We didn’t have the money to pay for the work he had done even though he had be very generous with us. Obviously, there had been a misunderstanding. Even more heartbreaking was I only got to drive it once before it got totaled. No one was hurt but I cried and cried. We now had this debt to pay and no car. I managed the bill paying in our home and when things were especially tight, I called creditors to tell them we would be missing that month’s payment. While they weren’t happy, I found this to be less painful than them calling me for just not paying. It also felt more honest. I called this man, who by the way attended our church, to let him know I couldn’t pay that month. He went off on me, ranting about how long we’d been paying for his work. We could only afford $20 a month. I silently cried while balled me out. I apologized and hung up. While still crying, I wrote out a check for $10. It’s pretty uncomfortable to run into someone at church when there has been so much conflict, but the next Sunday he run up to me and took my hand, “I got your check. You really were telling the truth about you financial struggles.” He immediately dropped the whole debt and gave me the biggest hug. From that day on, any time he saw me he would hug me with the biggest smile on his face. Every time I saw him, I was reminded of God’s incredible mercy and love.